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So, after a good two and a half years trying to figure just what I want to be when I’m finished procrastinating aging and chilling at the Community College of Sussex County, I’ve finally managed to escape to a less boring area of the world- Montclair state University. Now, in this institute of higher learning, I’ve managed to come by quite a few nuggets of knowledge I thought I could share with the (facebook) class.

First: Giraffe’s are horribly underrepresented in contemporary and classic literature. Seriously. When was the last time you read a good book with a giraffe in it. Even more seriously, when was the last time you read a bad book with a giraffe in it? If you’re like the rest of us (meaning me), giraffes have been excised from our brains in place of Holden Caulfield and suicidal lovers. This was, of course, realized in Creative Writing this morning, where we were supposed to write a story about something totally pointless and random. I decided on a purple giraffe. I normally would have chosen something like an Apatosaurus, but dinosaurs have become disgustingly trendy lately, which is sad. (Note: What also is sad is my choice of “purple” as the only adjective for my giraffe. Seriously, I could have used “esoteric” or “anachronistic” or any sort of fun adjective to describe my long necked friend, and I chose the fucking color purple. The only person who could be proud of that is Alice Walker. Or Oprah Winfrey.)

Second: I’m horrible at socializing, even though I love being social. Seriously. This realization came at dinner today, when all my friends abandoned me to partake in eating the fruit of knowledge in their respective classrooms (or, more likely, sleeping). Anyway, while grabbing my fifth cheesesteak of the week and a cup of soup du blande’(not actual French) in the cafeteria, I saw and talked with this awesome girl from my intro to GLBT studies class/ GSA. Once I paid for my food, however, I went and sat by myself in the corner, while she went and sat by herself, and the entire time I sat there berating myself for not making more of an effort to make new friends and eating bland soup. (It’s not that the soup was bad, it just wasn’t good. In fact, it was memorable in the fact that I can’t manage to remember what it tasted like, because nothing stood out in it. Disappointing.) Oh, and I think I managed to make myself look like an incompetent ass in front of the GSA last night, but whatever.

Third: I’m not talking to any of you anymore until you guys listen to “The Con” by Tegan and Sara and “Nights of the Living Dead” by Tilly and the Wall. Seriously, they’re almost better than sex. And, since sex is better than almost anything, the only excuse any of you have for not listening to the aforementioned songs is that you’re having sex, in which I’d like to remind you to use protection and listen to these songs once you’re done thrusting your hips. Oh, and don’t pirate. That’s bad, and you’ll get fined, and I’ll cry. Or make someone cry for you, since I botoxed my tear ducts shut in an attempt to reduce my 20 year old wrinkles. (Because everyone knows 20 is like, 452 in gay years).

Fifth: I forgot my fourth realization.

Sixth: New screename. “Prosetic.” (Prose+poetic, get it? Oh, I’m so smart and catchy.) Add me.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2008 04:59 am (UTC)
Giraffes aren't as fun as hippopotamuses.

You did better than me. I wouldn't have even managed to hold a conversation while waiting for food =\

I'm totally the first comment in the shiny new journal.
You have too many screen names.
And this one sounds like prosthetic.
Feb. 4th, 2008 07:06 am (UTC)
Ditto on the prosthetic. :P

And I don't think the colour adjective thing is so bad. My friend and I wrote an ode to Crispy the Hot Pink Llama. It's to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I swear, it's the new holiday classic. The point of the story was that colours are great adjectives. I mean.. really who wants an esoteric giraffe. Giraffes are meant for the masses. That's why they live in the zoo. ;D
Feb. 4th, 2008 07:47 am (UTC)
Giraffes are meant for themselves. Seriously, most elitist animal ever, if you think about it. They're just like "Lol, what? You can't reach these nice tasty leaves? Oh, well, I'd give some to you, but I'm too busy eating them. Have fun fighting the other short African herbivores for food!"

The assholes.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


Josh! not at the disco.

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